I believe he is surveying such familiarity— he had opened the conversation by inquiring had I ever, and when I informed him otherwise he advised me that I ought.
( Eurgh that sounds like it’s going to verge far too closely to politics again, so Strange banks sharply back to the original topic. )
Right. Well. I can supervise your dosage and recovery as needed, and take some notes on the experience. Would you be willing to do the same for me? You scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours. With—
( Who does he trust the most? Gwenaëlle, of course, and she’s been learning more about field medicine and medical care and how the body works, but the truth remains: they only have the one proper capital-H healer on-staff. ) With Isaac himself on-call, perhaps, in case something goes awry.
That goes for any unexpected allergy anywhere. Choking to death and throat swelling up over a peanut at a diplomatic dinner overseas? Ignoble end for an agent of Riftwatch.
On such occasions it’s best to have no known allergies, either.
( yeah, that’s a joke about assassination. petrana has lived and breathed court for the better part of her life; it rather warps the sense of humour. on the bright side, it’s definitely a joke and not earnest enough to trap him into talking about the perils of politics,
and a good enough segue for a thought that’s occurred to her presently: )
Madame de Fonce, before she left us for Orzammar, also advised me to consider most seriously the matter of— the removal of my anchor-shard. ( and when she had gone, and the ghoulish question of borrowing her prosthetic was off the table, and her huge imploringly academic eyes were not following petrana’s dithering on the matter, she’s rather avoided thinking about it since. )
I would also appreciate whatever information you could provide me with to consider what pursuing such a course of action would practically entail, in its entirety.
( There’s another little beat of hesitation, not the same peevish avoidance when he’s swerving politics, but because why are all the rifter witches asking him to remove their arms —
There’s a rustling of papers, pushing aside some of his work to focus on the conversation better. )
Of course.
( From the get-go it makes a little more sense on the surface: from Petrana’s file he sees that it’s been seven years, far longer than Ennaris has had hers. (Don’t think about Gwenaëlle having had hers even longer.) )
Have you been experiencing any adverse effects from your shard? Beyond the usual.
I am, as you know, one of the longest remaining rifters. As Mssr — Thranduil, ( a pause where she might have used, as an old habit, baudin for the elf, ) has so vividly demonstrated, it is not to be relied upon. Mme de Fonce brought to my attention that she felt the nature of my situation made my case a pressing one to do what might be done to ensure that I am …
More adequately anchored to my present existence. It is her belief this is that way, and I have taken the time since our conversation to study her notes on the matter.
I’ve read through her notes as well. So you also think there’s merit in the theory?
I know others who are giving it strong consideration. It’s great if it works, but I fear Madame de Foncé sparking an epidemic of people hacking off their arms and then we’re stuck with no one left to close rifts, and it not anchoring someone properly regardless. It’s impossible to prove unless we do it preemptively and then simply— wait and see.
( Which, by the distaste in his voice, is an irritating prospect. He hates having to be so passive and patient. )
It is impossible to overlook that in nearly a decade, Madame de Fonce is the only one among us to have ever established a life for herself not utterly dependent on our present situation. Yours is reasonable concern, though I would note that it has been months since she made herself so plain on the matter— ( to petrana directly; to riftwatch, broadly, ) —and we have not yet had any further removals.
( the concern is valid; her point is, too. whatever decisions are being made, it does feel past the point of impulse; her own final decision still depends heavily on what information she gets to consider it. it reminds her, a little, of past rifter anxieties of a both broader and more particular kind, including the but consider what is actually happening around us push back.
but he is a preferable person to have those conversations with; she has more regard for his reason. )
To your point specifically, I seem an apt test case to pursue more evidence for or against Madame de Fonce’s conclusions, as Riftwatch loses little if I lack my anchor-shard. ( the clinical detachment of this assessment is matter of fact. ) I have some concerns, perhaps, about the nature of my work missing an arm particularly, but speaking to the matter of rifts— I have never done that, and regardless, will not in the future.
Hmm. ( A thoughtful noise; he scratches absentmindedly at his jaw and beard, considering it. Some of it rings true to other conversations he’s had elsewhere, his own pragmatic approach to it dovetailing so closely with Gwenaëlle’s. Keep it for a purpose. Keep it because you’re the only one who can do what you do with it.
Still, if de Cedoux really hasn’t made use of her anchor, in all her time here— )
Why haven’t you or wouldn’t you? The closing rifts.
( it’s plain from the tone of her answer that she was surprised to be asked — not offended, just puzzled that it isn’t obvious. )
I would be slaughtered where I stood, and the rift would remain open.
( a brief pause, then: )
Early in my career with Riftwatch, there was a misunderstanding in my— classification, let us say. A witch ought to be able to manage such things as are expected of mages, and so I was assigned to a field mission. I had been in Thedas but weeks, I think; I felt that I was too new to object. My presence was a disaster, and I am merely grateful that they were able to protect me and that my own lack of ability did not result in anyone else’s death.
( De Cedoux has, of course, told him that that wasn’t how her abilities worked: hers were domestic magicks, little trifles. But something about this comment in particular makes Strange’s own reaction turn puzzled, blankly curious.
But you can change that, he thinks; the same way that he fell slipshod and roughscrabble into a fighting life. )
I was forty years old before I saw my first battle, and got to training, ( is what he offers. Without pressure, simply a factual statement trying to feel out the edges of this incongruous disjoint. ) Someone hands you a flaming magic sword, you learn quick how to use it.
( Stephen Strange had been a moneyed surgeon with soft hands; Mordo had practically killed him on the training field the first time they scrapped. They had been lessons hard-learned and they left him the better for it. But he doesn’t push. It’s her choice. It’s just—
incompatible with his own worldview, in a way he hadn’t ever really stopped to ponder before. )
( it’s gentle — as she might measure gentleness from strange — but not subtle, and before she can take the time to consider a thoughtful response, he startles her into a laugh: )
I handed that sword to my husband, ( she says, and means: literally. ) I was—
( it has become easier to discuss. she has got further from it, and been so much changed. maybe softened by how improbably and incongruously apt a thing he managed to say, maybe because they’re already discussing something so intimate, personal and discomforting as the prospect of removing a limb, )
I was much younger than forty. I have, in truth, never known a life not defined by soldiers; I spent much of my marriage in war camps and on campaigns of conquest. Magic was the means by which it was ensured
( passive voice; distancing, )
that were I to run, there would be no place for me but a gallows. ( just a trace of humour: and here she is, after all. ) It wasn’t handed to me, but wrapped around my throat with the intention of removing my agency, my identity, and my value. What you have chosen to become is most admirable, but for myself—
( uncharacteristically, she struggles for a moment to order her thoughts, to express them. )
That I can say now I have those things still is a gift that Thedas gave to me. To not only know myself, but to have a place here as I am— if Madame de Fonce is correct. If her theory holds. Then my anchor-shard is the last tie that binds me to a woman who never knew those things. I feel in some ways that I owe it to her to live for us both, and it is — a victory. To do so in my own power, and not forced to become a thing I am not.
( It sure is. And yet. Strange treats the topic with the gravity it deserves. It wasn’t handed to me, but wrapped around my throat with the intention of removing my agency, my identity, and my value. He sometimes thinks he sees the flickers and similarities between Kalvad and Thedas, from the little he’s gleaning and feeling out the shape of things. Magic as leash rather than representing freedom, opportunity. )
No, it’s fine, as long as you’re fine discussing it. I appreciate the perspective—
( To better understand how she ticks and why. He’s not had to devote much close thought to Petrana de Cedoux before, apart from thinking of her as extension through Julius, but he considers her now. )
Did you ever have to use combat magic then, or is it that you want nothing more to do with that life? I’m assuming, regardless, that you’ve had your fill of war camps.
well, to quail at elaborating now seems absurd. the matter of fact, academic way that he conducts the conversation helps; compassion is always so discomforting. I appreciate the perspective; it is useful to discuss this. and easier to discuss it, if the point is that it’s useful.
that doesn’t make it any easier to navigate. to put into words things that a few years ago she couldn’t even look at, )
I am intelligent and capable, Docteur, ( she says, finally. ) I have never learned such magic; its use was strictly forbidden to me. I am a diplomat and a politician. I have worked at, specifically, every level of this organisation from the menial to its leadership. I have made worthy accomplishments and I have every reason to believe that I will continue to do so. My work is time consuming and specific and my contributions both to our diplomatic ties and to our ability to safeguard our information have, I’m sure, directly impacted yours.
I do not need to mold myself in the image of my murderer to prove the worth of my work to anyone.
Of course there had been something along those lines lurking beneath the rock he’s overturned. He’d been nosing around and knew he was nosing around, trying to determine the root of her reluctance; pressing fingers to a suspected injury and feeling it out, waiting for the hitch of breath, a sign of bruised ribs.
Strange’s voice remains neutral, just as clinical and detached as before despite the bomb drop. He doesn’t waste his time with condolences; he doesn’t even know how he would give them, and suspects she doesn’t want them. )
I don’t doubt your intelligence or your capability or your contributions to this organisation, Madame. It’s more a matter of practical self-defense. People can still find themselves attacked even within the Gallows, as we saw with Julius. Members of Diplomacy can still be hijacked in the course of their duties. You were taken captive only last year, were you not?
( Yes, he reads all the public reports. )
I don’t mean to pressure you, however. I expect you’ve already weighed all of these considerations before.
( It’s a small mark of esteem. He knows some people don’t consider all the angles; from what little he knows of the chief cryptographer, she is not one of them. )
I have, ( is agreement and not rebuke; she can hear the extension of good faith in what he says, and accepts that for what it is rather than prickling. )
I expect you read in the same report that we were not rescued, but that we extricated ourselves from that situation. ( because that’s how it went down. ) I am a trick rider of some skill, ( she’s being modest, ) a talented lockpick, and adept with many magical means of eluding capture and captors when it’s required of me.
I simply don’t believe that the best use of my time, for my own sake or for Riftwatch’s, is to set aside the work that currently occupies it in order to become less skilled than those we already have to do work that is already being done that no one requires or wishes me to do. And I understand your view on the matter, but—
You must allow that we cannot all be warriors. Warriors are necessary. I believe that firmly and I have great esteem for those that occupy that role— allow me that I know it is not mine.
[ It’s so fundamentally alien to Strange’s entire life so far that he’s still struggling to wrap his head around it. It’s not even that he was particularly born to be a warrior; he still didn’t gravitate to it, but it had been simply been necessary, a matter of survival, next steps.
(They both did the things they had to do to survive. Those things just happened to be so vastly different.) ]
Hm. Alright. I can’t pretend the concept comes naturally to me, but I understand better now, madame, and I can at least respect it.
[ And the monks did teach him a clever, slippery approach, which he tended to use more than a Thor or even a Steve Rogers: thinking his way out of a fight, taking the sideways slant where possible, using the enemy’s own momentum against themselves to wear them out. Be as the flexible reed bending in the wind, and not the stubborn oak tree. So these next words are the sound of him relenting, a little tongue-in-cheek, ]
For posterity, I hope you don’t come away with the idea that I punch first and ask questions later. I do generally prefer a more elegant solution. It’s just that when all sophistication fails, sometimes I do wind up having to throw a fireball at someone about it.
Were I pressed to draw a conclusion, Docteur, I would sooner suggest that you look first to a solution within yourself in most things.
( leading him both to the wielding of a flaming sword, and a tendency to immediately volunteer for self-experimentation. he is, as isaac has said, a riftwatch researcher, and those people are mad.
but in a different way than the forces lot tend to be.
[ Strange can’t help the bemused smile at being so correctly identified; for once feeling at ease in this conversation, rather than the usual out-of-his-depth, lost and like there’s some complicated social nuance flying right over his head that de Cedoux’s wrangling with ease. But this time— ]
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portalling) wrote2022-04-02 01:17 pm
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no subject
We are all thinking toward the future.
no subject
Right. Well. I can supervise your dosage and recovery as needed, and take some notes on the experience. Would you be willing to do the same for me? You scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours. With—
( Who does he trust the most? Gwenaëlle, of course, and she’s been learning more about field medicine and medical care and how the body works, but the truth remains: they only have the one proper capital-H healer on-staff. ) With Isaac himself on-call, perhaps, in case something goes awry.
no subject
As unfortunate as it would be to discover an allergy, preferable to discovering it at the hands of a more malicious actor, I think.
( it’s not not a joke. )
no subject
( True enough, and also not not a joke. )
no subject
( yeah, that’s a joke about assassination. petrana has lived and breathed court for the better part of her life; it rather warps the sense of humour. on the bright side, it’s definitely a joke and not earnest enough to trap him into talking about the perils of politics,
and a good enough segue for a thought that’s occurred to her presently: )
Madame de Fonce, before she left us for Orzammar, also advised me to consider most seriously the matter of— the removal of my anchor-shard. ( and when she had gone, and the ghoulish question of borrowing her prosthetic was off the table, and her huge imploringly academic eyes were not following petrana’s dithering on the matter, she’s rather avoided thinking about it since. )
I would also appreciate whatever information you could provide me with to consider what pursuing such a course of action would practically entail, in its entirety.
no subject
There’s a rustling of papers, pushing aside some of his work to focus on the conversation better. )
Of course.
( From the get-go it makes a little more sense on the surface: from Petrana’s file he sees that it’s been seven years, far longer than Ennaris has had hers. (Don’t think about Gwenaëlle having had hers even longer.) )
Have you been experiencing any adverse effects from your shard? Beyond the usual.
no subject
( a brief pause. )
I am, as you know, one of the longest remaining rifters. As Mssr — Thranduil, ( a pause where she might have used, as an old habit, baudin for the elf, ) has so vividly demonstrated, it is not to be relied upon. Mme de Fonce brought to my attention that she felt the nature of my situation made my case a pressing one to do what might be done to ensure that I am …
More adequately anchored to my present existence. It is her belief this is that way, and I have taken the time since our conversation to study her notes on the matter.
no subject
I know others who are giving it strong consideration. It’s great if it works, but I fear Madame de Foncé sparking an epidemic of people hacking off their arms and then we’re stuck with no one left to close rifts, and it not anchoring someone properly regardless. It’s impossible to prove unless we do it preemptively and then simply— wait and see.
( Which, by the distaste in his voice, is an irritating prospect. He hates having to be so passive and patient. )
no subject
( the concern is valid; her point is, too. whatever decisions are being made, it does feel past the point of impulse; her own final decision still depends heavily on what information she gets to consider it. it reminds her, a little, of past rifter anxieties of a both broader and more particular kind, including the but consider what is actually happening around us push back.
but he is a preferable person to have those conversations with; she has more regard for his reason. )
To your point specifically, I seem an apt test case to pursue more evidence for or against Madame de Fonce’s conclusions, as Riftwatch loses little if I lack my anchor-shard. ( the clinical detachment of this assessment is matter of fact. ) I have some concerns, perhaps, about the nature of my work missing an arm particularly, but speaking to the matter of rifts— I have never done that, and regardless, will not in the future.
no subject
Still, if de Cedoux really hasn’t made use of her anchor, in all her time here— )
Why haven’t you or wouldn’t you? The closing rifts.
no subject
I would be slaughtered where I stood, and the rift would remain open.
( a brief pause, then: )
Early in my career with Riftwatch, there was a misunderstanding in my— classification, let us say. A witch ought to be able to manage such things as are expected of mages, and so I was assigned to a field mission. I had been in Thedas but weeks, I think; I felt that I was too new to object. My presence was a disaster, and I am merely grateful that they were able to protect me and that my own lack of ability did not result in anyone else’s death.
no subject
But you can change that, he thinks; the same way that he fell slipshod and roughscrabble into a fighting life. )
I was forty years old before I saw my first battle, and got to training, ( is what he offers. Without pressure, simply a factual statement trying to feel out the edges of this incongruous disjoint. ) Someone hands you a flaming magic sword, you learn quick how to use it.
( Stephen Strange had been a moneyed surgeon with soft hands; Mordo had practically killed him on the training field the first time they scrapped. They had been lessons hard-learned and they left him the better for it. But he doesn’t push. It’s her choice. It’s just—
incompatible with his own worldview, in a way he hadn’t ever really stopped to ponder before. )
cw: manipulation, exploitation, abuse. i / ii.
I handed that sword to my husband, ( she says, and means: literally. ) I was—
( it has become easier to discuss. she has got further from it, and been so much changed. maybe softened by how improbably and incongruously apt a thing he managed to say, maybe because they’re already discussing something so intimate, personal and discomforting as the prospect of removing a limb, )
I was much younger than forty. I have, in truth, never known a life not defined by soldiers; I spent much of my marriage in war camps and on campaigns of conquest. Magic was the means by which it was ensured
( passive voice; distancing, )
that were I to run, there would be no place for me but a gallows. ( just a trace of humour: and here she is, after all. ) It wasn’t handed to me, but wrapped around my throat with the intention of removing my agency, my identity, and my value. What you have chosen to become is most admirable, but for myself—
( uncharacteristically, she struggles for a moment to order her thoughts, to express them. )
That I can say now I have those things still is a gift that Thedas gave to me. To not only know myself, but to have a place here as I am— if Madame de Fonce is correct. If her theory holds. Then my anchor-shard is the last tie that binds me to a woman who never knew those things. I feel in some ways that I owe it to her to live for us both, and it is — a victory. To do so in my own power, and not forced to become a thing I am not.
ii.
I apologise. This is outside of the scope of our conversation.
no subject
No, it’s fine, as long as you’re fine discussing it. I appreciate the perspective—
( To better understand how she ticks and why. He’s not had to devote much close thought to Petrana de Cedoux before, apart from thinking of her as extension through Julius, but he considers her now. )
Did you ever have to use combat magic then, or is it that you want nothing more to do with that life? I’m assuming, regardless, that you’ve had your fill of war camps.
no subject
well, to quail at elaborating now seems absurd. the matter of fact, academic way that he conducts the conversation helps; compassion is always so discomforting. I appreciate the perspective; it is useful to discuss this. and easier to discuss it, if the point is that it’s useful.
that doesn’t make it any easier to navigate. to put into words things that a few years ago she couldn’t even look at, )
I am intelligent and capable, Docteur, ( she says, finally. ) I have never learned such magic; its use was strictly forbidden to me. I am a diplomat and a politician. I have worked at, specifically, every level of this organisation from the menial to its leadership. I have made worthy accomplishments and I have every reason to believe that I will continue to do so. My work is time consuming and specific and my contributions both to our diplomatic ties and to our ability to safeguard our information have, I’m sure, directly impacted yours.
I do not need to mold myself in the image of my murderer to prove the worth of my work to anyone.
no subject
Of course there had been something along those lines lurking beneath the rock he’s overturned. He’d been nosing around and knew he was nosing around, trying to determine the root of her reluctance; pressing fingers to a suspected injury and feeling it out, waiting for the hitch of breath, a sign of bruised ribs.
Strange’s voice remains neutral, just as clinical and detached as before despite the bomb drop. He doesn’t waste his time with condolences; he doesn’t even know how he would give them, and suspects she doesn’t want them. )
I don’t doubt your intelligence or your capability or your contributions to this organisation, Madame. It’s more a matter of practical self-defense. People can still find themselves attacked even within the Gallows, as we saw with Julius. Members of Diplomacy can still be hijacked in the course of their duties. You were taken captive only last year, were you not?
( Yes, he reads all the public reports. )
I don’t mean to pressure you, however. I expect you’ve already weighed all of these considerations before.
( It’s a small mark of esteem. He knows some people don’t consider all the angles; from what little he knows of the chief cryptographer, she is not one of them. )
no subject
I expect you read in the same report that we were not rescued, but that we extricated ourselves from that situation. ( because that’s how it went down. ) I am a trick rider of some skill, ( she’s being modest, ) a talented lockpick, and adept with many magical means of eluding capture and captors when it’s required of me.
I simply don’t believe that the best use of my time, for my own sake or for Riftwatch’s, is to set aside the work that currently occupies it in order to become less skilled than those we already have to do work that is already being done that no one requires or wishes me to do. And I understand your view on the matter, but—
You must allow that we cannot all be warriors. Warriors are necessary. I believe that firmly and I have great esteem for those that occupy that role— allow me that I know it is not mine.
no subject
(They both did the things they had to do to survive. Those things just happened to be so vastly different.) ]
Hm. Alright. I can’t pretend the concept comes naturally to me, but I understand better now, madame, and I can at least respect it.
[ And the monks did teach him a clever, slippery approach, which he tended to use more than a Thor or even a Steve Rogers: thinking his way out of a fight, taking the sideways slant where possible, using the enemy’s own momentum against themselves to wear them out. Be as the flexible reed bending in the wind, and not the stubborn oak tree. So these next words are the sound of him relenting, a little tongue-in-cheek, ]
For posterity, I hope you don’t come away with the idea that I punch first and ask questions later. I do generally prefer a more elegant solution. It’s just that when all sophistication fails, sometimes I do wind up having to throw a fireball at someone about it.
no subject
Were I pressed to draw a conclusion, Docteur, I would sooner suggest that you look first to a solution within yourself in most things.
( leading him both to the wielding of a flaming sword, and a tendency to immediately volunteer for self-experimentation. he is, as isaac has said, a riftwatch researcher, and those people are mad.
but in a different way than the forces lot tend to be.
she’s rather fond of both. )
no subject
Got it in one.