Messere Mobius said you were handling all this. Asked around, and it don't look like Riftwatch is getting cut off lyrium no time soon. Y'got folks that're worried, can let 'em know.
[ It had been a minor point of lingering concern; an annoyance, that he has colleagues carrying a chemical dependency where Riftwatch technically doesn’t have any real control over the supply.
So he’s pedantic, for the sake of clarity: ] So the supply routes are alright? How trustworthy is your source?
[ he says, instead of: reckon they'd be more honest with you? ]
'M not promising no disruptions. Venatori hit a port tomorrow, and we're all out worse. But Riftwatch's got rights to buy outside the Chantry. You and me do. That's gonna hold.
[ for now. it doesn't matter if cedric trusts his sources (and lately, maybe he doesn't). strange won't. ]
[ It’s a nice thing to hear, and that last bit is unmistakably a polite disengagement— but Doctor Strange is who he is and sometimes that means getting his teeth in a bone. So he still lobbies in, so it’s said: ]
You can still be part of the Chantry without necessarily ingesting a specific narcotic substance for the rest of your natural life. Just saying.
[ could be: that isn't how it works, under gentler tone. but he saw the way strange looked for that prayer, whole lot different than he looked for the body —
and he'd like to know a little of what's going on in there. ]
[ Ugh. Not Strange’s favourite topic, but he started it, so: ]
First: Why are you Chantry? Just the perks, or do you consider yourself a devout Andrastian? You knew the words, [ like a good little templar ] so I assume there’s a bit of the latter; but then again, you know what they say about assuming.
What we owe to each other, [ Strange says, musing, and the cadence of his voice sounds like he’s quoting something. ] There’s a whole school of philosophy about that, measuring morality by the social contract and interpersonal relationships, contractualism —
Anyway. My actual point is, you could do that outside the Chantry and off the lyrium. Or you could be off the lyrium and still serve within the Chantry, if the institution means that much to you. How you help others isn’t dependent at all upon those other two factors.
[ the man who smudged it off benedict's papers – he isn't gone. but he's got other shit to mind, and anyway, lying for supply lines is only gonna be another lecture. like cedric's never stood in the dirt guessing how far the grain'll stretch. ]
You don't take it if you're not in good standing. I weren't.
[ so sure, he thought about staying off it. thought about crawling into the dunes to die, too. he thinks a lot of stupid things. ]
[ —well, that’s not actually what he expected. Mission-related misadventure would’ve been Strange’s first guess, like what he’s heard happening to their other templars: some journey taking far longer than expected, some ill-timed kidnapping, some accidental detox stranded on a desert island. You know, as one does. ]
[ vidal made out it could've gone longer. he was probably full of it. that's the thing about an army, you need it to fucking function. a pause, a long one this time: ]
I hurt a guy. Pretty bad. It was me making calls, I'd do the same.
[ on purpose. it's true, it doesn't taste like that. remembers doing it, remembers how good it felt, until they pulled him off. can't recall the decision.
he takes a deep breath. does remember choosing to have this conversation, so probably, he shouldn't call gwen's boyfriend a cunt and throw the crystal away. ]
'M not proud of it. He didn't deserve it. And ignoring all that, that's how y'get the Gallows. I know it goes to your head, doc. We all do. 'S why you gotta show some self-control. And if someone don't —
So you think, [ he speaks slowly, not out of condescension, but due to trying to follow that tangled gnarled train of thought, ] that your superiors cut you off from the lyrium for two weeks, and then put you back on it, for the betterment of your health?
[ Ah, wait, but there’s the condescension: the curl of the lip, the sardonic question mark stabbed into the sentence. ]
[ there's a frustration comes of saying something that makes perfect sense, and getting this back —
most days, riftwatch don't sit so odd. a year ago, and still fumbling for context, cedric wasn't surprised to find himself surprised. open schedules, loose orders, and every other word felt a foreign tongue. but now and again he hears still it: that gap stretched between his life, and this borrowed one. ]
Yeah. [ because what the fuck else is he supposed to say? ] Now I know I weren't losing my shit. Know I can handle it.
[ for his own good. there's a frustration comes out of that phrase, out of kind mouths; the mirror shattered underhand. been a lot done for his own good. had so much good, sometimes he chokes on it. ]
[ bluntly: ] You might be handling it, and you might not be actively losing your shit to the extent of becoming a red lyrium monster, but it’s still fucking with you. It’s still killing you, the person you are, faster than if you weren’t on it.
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portalling) wrote2022-04-02 01:17 pm
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crystals;
Hey, uh. 'S Cedric.
[ obviously ]
Messere Mobius said you were handling all this. Asked around, and it don't look like Riftwatch is getting cut off lyrium no time soon. Y'got folks that're worried, can let 'em know.
no subject
[ It had been a minor point of lingering concern; an annoyance, that he has colleagues carrying a chemical dependency where Riftwatch technically doesn’t have any real control over the supply.
So he’s pedantic, for the sake of clarity: ] So the supply routes are alright? How trustworthy is your source?
no subject
[ he says, instead of: reckon they'd be more honest with you? ]
'M not promising no disruptions. Venatori hit a port tomorrow, and we're all out worse. But Riftwatch's got rights to buy outside the Chantry. You and me do. That's gonna hold.
[ for now. it doesn't matter if cedric trusts his sources (and lately, maybe he doesn't). strange won't. ]
I trust the numbers.
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[ And because Carsus hadn’t been the recipient of this schpiel yet, and he can’t help but ask: ] You’re still planning to keep partaking?
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[ and maybe that's why he's telling stephen, instead of the others directly. ]
But whatever you done for them, they trust you. Means something. You got aught you need, let me know.
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You can still be part of the Chantry without necessarily ingesting a specific narcotic substance for the rest of your natural life. Just saying.
no subject
[ could be: that isn't how it works, under gentler tone. but he saw the way strange looked for that prayer, whole lot different than he looked for the body —
and he'd like to know a little of what's going on in there. ]
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First: Why are you Chantry? Just the perks, or do you consider yourself a devout Andrastian? You knew the words, [ like a good little templar ] so I assume there’s a bit of the latter; but then again, you know what they say about assuming.
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[ and if he believed that was all he could do, really believed, he would've set his arm to forces. ]
We been given the world. I reckon we account for that, for what we done with it. Whether 's to the Maker, or to each other.
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Anyway. My actual point is, you could do that outside the Chantry and off the lyrium. Or you could be off the lyrium and still serve within the Chantry, if the institution means that much to you. How you help others isn’t dependent at all upon those other two factors.
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[ if that's fond, it's still a nudge; got the idea strange don't care for comparison. not to clergy. ]
Was gonna stand vigil, 'til he shattered his leg. Reckon 's the best thing could've happened to him. Shit rider. But theology,
[ a verbal shrug. ]
I been off lyrium before. Didn't inspire no philosophical drive.
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You don't take it if you're not in good standing. I weren't.
[ so sure, he thought about staying off it. thought about crawling into the dunes to die, too. he thinks a lot of stupid things. ]
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What, the Order withheld it from you?
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[ vidal made out it could've gone longer. he was probably full of it. that's the thing about an army, you need it to fucking function. a pause, a long one this time: ]
I hurt a guy. Pretty bad. It was me making calls, I'd do the same.
no subject
[ A beat, now that that kneejerk question’s out there. A pause, for more information: ]
Was it on purpose or accidental?
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[ on purpose. it's true, it doesn't taste like that. remembers doing it, remembers how good it felt, until they pulled him off. can't recall the decision.
he takes a deep breath. does remember choosing to have this conversation, so probably, he shouldn't call gwen's boyfriend a cunt and throw the crystal away. ]
'M not proud of it. He didn't deserve it. And ignoring all that, that's how y'get the Gallows. I know it goes to your head, doc. We all do. 'S why you gotta show some self-control. And if someone don't —
[ you pull it. ]
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It shouldn’t be actively withholding them from a substance they’re chemically dependent upon, for the sake of their health.
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[ steady. ]
If you're acting out, can't trust it didn't fuck your health already. Y'ever seen a Red?
[ been a while. you can make more, but the first edition gotta be dead. ]
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I haven’t, no.
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[ riftwatch found it in the supplies before. tainted. you keep an eye out, you keep your people in check. ]
That don't come from nowhere. You don't choose that death without reason. And 's what happens when you got no one gives a damn for your health.
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[ Ah, wait, but there’s the condescension: the curl of the lip, the sardonic question mark stabbed into the sentence. ]
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most days, riftwatch don't sit so odd. a year ago, and still fumbling for context, cedric wasn't surprised to find himself surprised. open schedules, loose orders, and every other word felt a foreign tongue. but now and again he hears still it: that gap stretched between his life, and this borrowed one. ]
Yeah. [ because what the fuck else is he supposed to say? ] Now I know I weren't losing my shit. Know I can handle it.
[ for his own good. there's a frustration comes out of that phrase, out of kind mouths; the mirror shattered underhand. been a lot done for his own good. had so much good, sometimes he chokes on it. ]
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[ unspoken, that'd be alright. ]
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