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[portalling]

stephen strange

crystals · correspondence · private scenes

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[tadpoled]

Last night. I had warning so we were able to get me back to the Gallows. I don’t remember much past seeing the captain, but I woke up bound and locked in.

[A soft sight.]

No one got hurt except some extreme chaffing on my wrists. And maybe the captain’s feelings. I apparently yelled some uncouth things at him.

[portalling]

At least the measures and contingencies worked, then, although that still sounds too close for comfort —

How much warning did you have, this time?

[tadpoled]

Any time it happens is too close for comfort.

About fifteen minutes, I think. I was very close to the Gallows already. If I had been farther away... I don't want to think of what may have happened.

[portalling]

( Because his mind is a scalpel, Strange goes straight to thinking about solutions, more than words of sympathy or reassurance. (He’s bad at the latter.) ) There are probably additional countermeasures we could layer on top, but then that’s starting to get… I don’t know, excessive. A buddy system 24/7 doesn’t sound feasible. Like, what are we gonna do, have someone hanging outside the privy waiting for you to finish pissing?

I have to ask. How did you take care of it, back where you came from?

[tadpoled]

I’d be more worried about murdering my buddy.

[Tav sighs.]

Back home, my companions said they’d keep an eye on me. It seems the larger problems were more pressing than a murderer among them.

[portalling]

And they just successfully kept an eye out, the whole time? Have you ever exhibited control over this thing and averted an episode, or does this— urge— always take over?

[tadpoled]

I'm not sure. I suppose they did.

I can exert control during the day, but in the evening, I start to lose control as I get tired. Once night hits, the additional fatigue from the fight makes it impossible to keep control deep in the night. I don't think I've ever prevented it altogether.

[portalling]

How long have you been like this?

( Diagnosis; note-taking. )

[tadpoled]

About three months, since I lost my memory.

[portalling]

Well, that’s better— Three months is nothing. You could still learn more about it, and anything can change after three months. You could learn to control this in time.

( But Strange prefers to actively work with what they have, rather than simply wait it out and hope for the best, so: )

You’ve probably been over this already with Rowntree, but was there anything before that helped? Anything that influenced it in either direction? Any little thing you can think of. I don’t think we can rely on a strip of rope into perpetuity.

[tadpoled]

Nothing that we were able to try. I suspect a spell of Hold Person might do better than rope. One day I could get through the rope and then I would be trying to break out of the holding cell.

[portalling]

And there's no trend to when it happens, besides at night? No connection to the full moon, the passage of time, something you've eaten, the weather or the air pressure, whatever?


( And, belatedly: )

Sorry for the interrogation. I try to— solve things, generally. And this one's a puzzle.

[tadpoled]

Before the second one, I was ordered to take the life of a moonmaiden. And when I didn’t… I nearly lost control and killed the man I love.

That didn’t happen here.

[portalling]

Ordered, but you didn’t.

Nearly lost control, but didn’t.

[tadpoled]

[Tav blinks at Strange before considering his words. He supposes there’s some truth to them. After a moment he nods.]

I’m not sure how easily I’ll sleep in the next days.

[portalling]

Have you been receiving any soporifics? Sleeping aids. We could get you some, if not. It’s not the sleep spell I mentioned, but there’s a few herbs which help a bit with insomnia. If you’re in a deeper unconsciousness than a regular sleep, perhaps that’ll help.

( A bit isn’t 100%, but at least it’s something. Strange knows those herbs from personal experience, too: long restless nights unable to sleep. )

There’s also full sedatives — but I wouldn’t recommend that every single night. ( Unsustainable. ) Could be a stopgap, though, in the interim. While concerns are high.

[tadpoled]

[Sopo-whats? Tav tilts his head slightly to the side as he listens. The problem here isn’t that he wants more sleep.]

It’s not that I want more sleep; I’m afraid of what I might wake up to if I do sleep.

[Especially since his episodes have followed him here to Thedas. ]

[portalling]

If it’s more than that, though. If you’re in a deep enough drugged sleep, maybe it won’t trigger the same way.

[tadpoled]

Such a thing is possible?

[If they could subdue the Urge altogether, then it would be safe for Tav to travel outside of the city, into nature, where he could collect seeds of his own for the garden.]

[portalling]

Haven’t you ever seen someone drugged?

( wait that’s a weird bad way of phrasing this )

I mean, say, for medical procedures. Yanking out an infected tooth. Knocking someone out when the pain is too great. Stupefying herbal teas to help someone sleep when they’re ill. I don’t know if it’ll quell your impulses, but it’s at least worth a shot.

You wouldn’t want to rely on it every single night. Riftwatch work might need you roused and woken in the middle of the night, not in a continual drugged stupor. But if it does work to suppress your urges, it could be useful some nights. When necessary.

[tadpoled]

I don’t know. The only poisons I’ve seen are the fatal kind.

[Another moment when Tav wishea he had more of his memories to rely on.]

I’m not sure how useful an herbalist will be in the middle of the night.

[He gives a small smirk. He likes being low of the totem pole.]

[portalling]

( Only mildly regretful to puncture that bubble: ) It’s not just to call on you. Apparently a saboteur once tried to blow up the Central Tower. There are fire drills. Sea beasts attacked Kirkwall harbour last summer. If there’s a Tevinter attack in the middle of the night, you might need to evacuate quickly.

[tadpoled]

Oh.

[Seems there’s always going to be a catch with every possible solution.]

Nothing’s easy, is it?

[portalling]

In my experience? Nope. ( Said lightly, his humour cynical as always. The sound of the doctor’s walking has stopped over the crystal, however, pausing partway where he was headed back into the tower. Head Healer mode still activated: )

How are you feeling now? Do you need— I don’t know, a checkup or anything?

[tadpoled]

[Tav looks down at the bandages still wrapped tight around his wrists and then back up at Strange.]

Actually. Stay here while I heal myself? Apparently healing magic is much more difficult here and I’d rather someone be here in case I pass out again.